Once again we tried to eradicate four scourges plaguing our planet:
- North America and Europe: A Case of the Mondays
- Represented in Blue, the first world is suffering from a #firstworldproblem: A Case of the Mondays. Productivity has suffered, leading to a downturn in all financial markets as everyone calls in sick once a week. With the increased workload facing citizens after a long weekend, A Case of the Mondays has begun to threaten Tuesday, creating a side effect known as Terrible Tuesday.
- The Middle East: S.V.E.N.
- Represented in Black, S.V.E.N. stands for SaccharViro EnteroNoctorexia. This virus remains dormant in sugar until it is ingested, then becomes active in the infected person’s small intestine. The virus causes the infected to crave more (infected) sugar, with these cravings strongest at night. Coincidentally, the first known case was in a man named Sven: Swedish photographer Sven Prim. Though it is believed he contracted the disease elsewhere, he was treated while shooting source images for a Samsung ad in Yemen and it has plagued the Middle East ever since.
- South America and Africa: Backyard Uranitis
- Represented in Yellow, Backyard Uranitis is a disease contracted by peeing in one’s backyard. Obviously this disease is only contracted by men. Though women could contract this disease, they rarely do as women generally have no desire to pee outside. It is easily the most preventable of the diseases we face today, but men ignorantly continue urinating outdoors when there are PERFECTLY GOOD TOILETS INSIDE.
- Asia and Australia: I Can’t Think of Anything Funny
- Yes, it sounds like a joke, but this disease is no laughing matter. Represented in Red, I Can’t Think of Anything Funny is a very serious type of depression, where no humorous thoughts can be generated in the patient’s brain. Though Asia, and more specifically Japan, have had historically high suicide rates, this was previously attributed to cultural and societal pressures. We now know that when this condition flares, all joy is removed, the cruelty of the human existence becomes too much to bear, and the suffers feel that suicide is their only option. J.K. Rowling has recently revealed that this disease was her inspiration for the Dementors in Harry Potter.
Do we have what it takes to save humanity? Our team of four rose to meet the challenge of keeping four diseases at bay while discovering their cures:
- Jason, Operations Expert
- Kellye, Quarantine Specialist
- Aaron, Researcher
- Adam, Dispatcher
The fate of humanity is in our hands!